Is it important?

What is important to you?

What do you want to do?

And how to get it!

This is a bold statement for my early morning train journey to London but each statement above will affect your life in so many ways.

Stephen Covey the author and motivational speaker (an amazing man) said you can order your life to free up space into these four sections.

Important/urgent

Important/unurgent

Unimportant/urgent

Unimportant/unurgent

These take a little thought to get your head around but I will try to explain

Important/urgent

Your child gets something stuck in their throat and is choking!

This is something that you must deal with straight away, your child’s life depends on it

Important/unurgent

Your tax return, it is important because you must do it but unless you leave it until the last day you 

have time to do it.

Unimportant/urgent

A ringing phone, it may not be important but it wants you to pick it up. It may be just a PPI cold caller reading off their card and keeps talking when you try to cut them short.

Unimportant/unurgent

What happened on EastEnders; Unless you like to sit in your own misery and watch something that makes your life even more boring than you think it is; People that thrive on drama when there is none.

This is a very layman’s terms of the principles of Mr Covey but you get the principle behind it (I hope). Lots of people put so much important on things that are unimportant, like gossip; such and such’s uncle that did this to someone and then they did something back and all hell broke loose and everyone got involved.

I may sound like I am uninterested, that’s true; because I am not. It is Unimportant and unurgent and frankly I don’t need to know or want to know because the facts probably have been exaggerated and once this drama settles down it will be booked in again in a couple of weeks’ time, to make sad people’s lives more interesting because they live from the drama. This may sound that I am being arrogant but I don’t want to live in this meaningless drama filled life, because I have far better things to occupy my mind and life. It is all about lifting yourself and others to do better, be better and shake off the old you that loved sitting in the local and family dramas.

I know this is hard to do, the gossips want you to join in, so they can quote you to others and keep you in the loop, so if they get found out for spreading gossip they now have someone else to pin it on rather than themselves. Even in Martial Arts you get this; What do you think of this martial art? Or martial Artist? I think every martial art is good if the person enjoys doing it just like food not all people like every food, but it is a personal choice. It is so easy to join in slagging things off, the only thing I voice my opinion on is when Instructors are lying to the people they teach and giving themselves a “jolly” as my friend and amazing Martial artist Garry Henderson quotes. They are being false or teaching techniques that could give their students an overconfidence in their ability that could get them hurt or killed.

I firmly believe if you don’t know them you can’t give an opinion and you should not be drawn into the backbiting and bitchy part of the arts because people will quote you to back up their own view and that’s where the drama starts. This frees up so much of your time to be more positive about the arts, we already have enough people that take the piss out of us without us joining in.

Over the last few years I have tried to make improvements in my life and career and cutting out joining in the drama is one of the most important lesson’s I have tried to learn, it may seem that I am being arrogant but I have found you can waste hours at a time like people do on Facebook, jumping into online debates and slagging people off; Or scrolling for hours looking at people dancing and cats falling off things, unless you like those things and if so fill your boots as they say.

When you clear, what is unimportant/unurgent out of your life you free up time for things that are important, because everyone has the same 24 hours in the day and there is 7 days in the week it is up to you how you fill it! As I sit here on a train to London I use the time to write and read; Even this I have streamlined because I used to write on a pad then when I got home would have to write it up on the computer thus writing it twice were now I use the laptop (thanks Erin) this was my lovely wife’s suggestion because she could not help me write my blogs up due to may terrible writing; she is one smart lady x

It is amazing what you can fit in your life if you just set your goals and keep setting your goals, even if you fail the first time just try again.

You will not get there over night or even in a year it is an ongoing battle with yourself and others, just like your garden, you can see it needs the grass cut and the weeds removed but you can make up hundreds of excuses not to do it but there is just one thing that will fix it, to get off your fat lazy arse and do it. Everyone loves the garden when it is neat and tidy and you always promise yourself to keep it that way but as one thing leads to another you let it slide and give yourself more work the next time. It is so easy to do this so that becomes the next week, month and even year.

For example, Myself and Kerry always wanted to take the girls to Disney world, In Florida, we knew it would be amazing but expensive. We saved and saved, putting money away for each part of the holiday i.e. the fights, the villa, the car hire, the park tickets and the spend money (two daughters and a wife, that love to shop). Kerry expertly kept track of our money on the computer and ticked it off at each goal just like Mr covey says to do at create deadlines (fights, villa, park tickets etc.) so it did not feel we had to save for everything at the same time. Cutting it down into manageable chunks, a bit like cutting up a pizza to eat it rather than trying to stuff the whole lot in at once #Foodslut. It was the most amazing holiday we had ever been on; this year will be the third time going and we can’t wait. To do this takes discipline and commitment and some straight talking. Before our last trip I was having a bit of a hard time ,having a sore back and lots of stress and I was feeling a bit depressed and whining about life, as you sometimes do , so Kerry said for us not go to America and just go somewhere else and get another job if I did not like teaching or words to that effect; she was not being harsh she was telling the truth , stopping me spiralling down and sitting in my own misery, I love this about Kerry , she tells me straight knowing that is what I need to hear at that time; So I picked myself up off my pity potty and got on with it!

I do the same for Kerry, with her being on daily medication and has had a handful of operations , she sometimes finds it hard and sometimes it gets too much for her (I can fully see why), so I try to be there for her and comfort her but sometimes I need to tell her when she is being a drama queen (brave or what) she is an amazing wife, mother and friend to many but she carries a lot of guilt as if she is not good enough because she is sometimes ill or laid up after an operation, which is totally beyond her control, this leads to her feeling down about her life, she sometimes never gives herself the credit that she deserves for handling her life the way she does, she is one of the strongest ,kindest people in my world ; She completes me. 

We go through our life together with our girls and now little Nev the puppy, trying to make every day better, even when the girls leave for school I always tell them “learn things”. Life is about cutting out the waste and using every ounce of your being to make your life better as well as helping others. Some people will ask you to do things, but they don’t ask they presume you will, like the ringing phone and get deeply offend when you say no. I have always struggled with this one firstly doing the thing they have asked, because I did not want to let them down, but because I did not want to do it in the first place but did not have the guts to tell them. I have learned to say no to things without explaining why I don’t want to and have stopped feeling guilty about it; I warn you this is so hard to do. People can be very persuasive, but they are normally the ones that always get their own way and rarely be told no or using my words “shot by the word no” they fall clutching their chest faking death (In my head) at the word, acting like a drama queen, just so they can guilt you into doing it for them, mostly without a word of thanks if you do what they wanted. Every time you swear you will not fall for the drama filled request again; mostly you do until the fateful day you say no and stand by your decision.

To achieve goals, it takes disciple hard work and an iron will but set them goals, achieve them, tick them off and then setting new ones, always moving forward but also stopping to enjoy your life! Just like I have said before, see lounge pants blog, rest is just as important as working to achieve your goals, try, and find a life balance, enjoy achieving your goals but learn also learn to rest and enjoy life and not to feel guilty about it; you deserve it.

Just made it to London now; going to have fun teaching

Big love from the AFC